Grains Of Sand

I cried this morning. I was thinking about Quantum Wave Function and the indeterminacy principal. I know where I am but have no idea where I’m going. Or where I’m going but haven’t the foggiest idea of who I am. For now, just call me Ishmael. I’ve been thinking about a timeline where I live multiple lives. And I’ve been thinking about my father. Today is his birthday.

I wondered in which life we’re both alive. Imagined the talks we have. About movies and life. The conversations he’d have with Bill. About the ocean and boats. About how Bill can fix things. With tools. My dad, in most lives I imagine, cannot.

Maybe there’s a life where we are sitting by a pool. Somewhere tropical. Hawaii. My father loved Hawaii. I love Hawaii. Bill loves Hawaii too.

When I met Bill, I didn’t recognize the grains of sand between him and my dad. Only after we were deep in the nooks and crannies of our marriage did I see just how much they have in common.

“What’s with all the clutter,” Bill says. It’s Sunday. We’ve just come back from Whole Foods. He has knocked a stainless steel coffee cup off the counter. It crash landed on the floor after taking out a glass which bumped the dish soap and both…